If I had a nickel for every time someone underestimated me, thought I was foolish, too nice, or stupid – I’d be a rich woman. But if I had a nickel for each time I thought that of myself, I’d be at least three times as rich…
But why do I doubt? Many years ago, I was with man who thought the world of himself – he never questioned his choices, abilities, or activities. So, I thought – maybe it’s just me.
Then, in a moment of bravery (perhaps fueled by wine and conversation), I confided in a friend – this fear of just pretending to be something, fear of failure, fear of ineptitude… and she told me I wasn’t alone. I talked with a few other women and found they felt a similar way. So, I thought – maybe it’s just us women.
Then, I left the man who thought he was perfect and after some time, I starting dating again. I found that many men had the same fears as women I knew – fears of failure or loss, not being good enough or smart enough or good looking enough. It was weird at first <wait, guys have these fears too?> but after awhile it was oddly comforting.
Then I realized something – we all have self-defeating thoughts.
You should know – no matter how beat down you feel, you’re not alone. We all question ourselves and our abilities. There are times when life will knock each of us down and there are times when we’ll want to sit down and cry with frustration (in ourselves, our screw-ups, our lives, and our limitations).
But just because we have these terrible, self-defeating thoughts – that doesn’t mean that they’re true. And it is okay to have those thoughts from time to time. Nobody can be perfectly happy, sunny, and full of self-confidence all of the time. But try to be kind to yourself – remind yourself that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes, things just take time.
You’ll be alright. And when you’re ready, pick yourself off of the floor and prove all of those defeating statements wrong (especially the ones that pop up in your own mind).
Carry a little hope around in your pocket – for yourself and all of the amazing things you can do.