She said she wished he would give her closure…
We’ve all been there. Sometimes, we think that the only way to heal is to have a conversation with the one who hurt us.
And here is where I call out a big, giant, neon-lettered – BULLSHIT.
There was a time when I too, wished for closure – for answers to endless questions. But, unfortunately for me, the person who hurt me was untrustworthy. This led me to realize a few difficult things:
- Some people never share their reasons.
- Some people lie.
- Some people don’t want to talk to you about it.
Now, there are people who are honest, kind, and willing to talk. You know in your heart who these people are and those are the ones you can potentially engage in a useful conversation.
But what do we do with everyone else?
I hate to tell you this, but in those situations (and probably the ones with the kind people too), the only person who can grant you closure is – you (sometimes with the help of a therapist).
Yes, you have that power (and it feels damn good to acknowledge this). If you’re seeking closure from an ex, I’d invite you give yourself that closure. Examine your feelings with compassion, journal, talk things out with trustworthy friends, give yourself permission to be human, and give yourself space to heal. Look for a therapist to unpack your issues – because there are experts out there who can help sift through the hurt and make sense of it. All of this has helped me and I think it can help you too.
You deserve to move past your hurt and more importantly, you have the power to do it.