Office worker confessions – toilets

 

Monday means back to work and today, my friends, we discuss something of the utmost importance in the office world – office toilets…and etiquette.

Basic rules of engagement for office toilets-

1. Try not to engage with people who are trying to poo – You’d think this would be a given, but no, not really.  Nothing more awkward than trying to drop a deuce while someone wants to talk Game of Thrones.  Girl, we can talk about Jon Snow’s sweet bottom after I’m done wiping mine.
2. If you must talk while you tinkle, pick talking points wisely.  Gossiping about Sally in accounting while in the office toilet is an excellent way of summoning her or one of her friends.  Also, asking me if I have children while I’m trying to pee is a terrible idea (I don’t. Long, terrible story actually…do you want to talk about that time someone pulled down my pants in middle school as well?).  Just ask me about the weather or how you wish it were Friday (or that yay! it’s Friday..but only if it is, in fact, Friday).
3. Don’t comment that the seat is warm or the place is smelly.  We all know what goes on here, no need to highlight the obvious or poop-shame people.
4. Don’t talk on the cell phone. I get confused if you’re talking to me (or yourself) and then self-conscious about all those sounds one makes while going to the bathroom….in the one place where it’s socially acceptable to make them.
5. Don’t ask “who is over there” unless you want sarcastic and/or gross responses.
6. Clean up.  I feel like your parents should have probably taught you this lesson, but if not – clean yourself, clean up after yourself, and then wash your hands.

Boom, done.  Now go potty like a professional.