Underneath it all

I’ve been told by people in many different aspects of my life that I lack self confidence and it’s true – whether it’s in a business setting, with writing, or even how I look, I’m not as confident as I probably should be.  I could argue that being humble is better than being one of those over-confident, super self-loving fools we all know.  But really, I guess it’s because I’m afraid of being embarrassed and proven wrong.  How can you be confident in the face of the possibility of a mistake or misstep?

Recently, a scene of my life seemed to parallel a cheesy Disney movie (don’t be offended, I love Disney movies), in which I was told that my only path to success was to “believe in myself.”  But how do you go about “believing in” yourself more?  How do you increase your self esteem?   Since I have no set answer for this, I took a look at myself.  Like many women, I often put the needs of others over my own and hardly ever say no.  I also don’t invest a lot in my appearance.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m always clean, brush my hair, and try to have unoffensive breath. 🙂  But, I don’t do a lot of the fancy, secret things that a lot of other women do to make themselves feel good.

So, I decided to make some small changes, because we all know – small changes tend to beget bigger ones.  But these changes were small things for me, that would make me feel good about myself.  I’ve always liked my eyes – they’re green – and they’re one of the most important parts of a person’s face. They can narrow on you in anger, crinkle up when you laugh or smile, and make you trust (or distrust) their owner.  Since I like my eyes, I started highlighting them – with a little bit of makeup.  It makes me feel pretty and a little bit sexy, which is kind of powerful to this simple, naively raised girl.  

The powerful feeling made me buy more secret things – pretty underthings <blushing>.  As you may recall, I did warn you about the overshare in my first post. :p  Anyways, suffice to say that I’ve usually been a simple, cotton girl.  But treating myself to pretty things that no one but me get to see, add an extra smirk and smile to my face.  Something else that makes a simple girl like me, feel good about myself and a secret, sexy way.  And feeling good about yourself is the first part of raising self esteem, right?

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think that make-up and fancy things mean that you value yourself, nor are they the things that can make everyone feel good about themselves.  Nor should a woman’s value be judged on her looks.  I am, in fact, a feminist that works in a male dominated industry.  But, I also think that anything that you can do that makes you feel good about yourself, powerful, and more confident should be embraced – as long as it’s not at the cost of anyone else, of course.


5 thoughts on “Underneath it all

  1. This post is another reason I enjoy reading your blog. I think well founded personal growth comes in time with tiny steps that give one assurance the next step is achievable. You did that without losing yourself to a pursuit that leaves many feeling left out and instead of self confidence, they build self doubt. A great message for young women at the threshold of their lives as adults.

    Liked by 1 person

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