Here is a link to my best friend’s blog. She is the most well-read person that I know and an excellent writer. Sometimes, while trolling the stacks at a local bookstore, we’ll play a game of “what books hasn’t she read,” and it often takes a good bit of time to find a winner. Anyway, she gives fantastic book reviews and always helps me find just the right book for people (especially during Christmas). My goal is write (and publish, of course) something good enough for her to proudly recommend to someone else. 🙂
I’ve been told by people in many different aspects of my life that I lack self confidence and it’s true – whether it’s in a business setting, with writing, or even how I look, I’m not as confident as I probably should be. I could argue that being humble is better than being one of those over-confident, super self-loving fools we all know. But really, I guess it’s because I’m afraid of being embarrassed and proven wrong. How can you be confident in the face of the possibility of a mistake or misstep?
Recently, a scene of my life seemed to parallel a cheesy Disney movie (don’t be offended, I love Disney movies), in which I was told that my only path to success was to “believe in myself.” But how do you go about “believing in” yourself more? How do you increase your self esteem? Since I have no set answer for this, I took a look at myself. Like many women, I often put the needs of others over my own and hardly ever say no. I also don’t invest a lot in my appearance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always clean, brush my hair, and try to have unoffensive breath. 🙂 But, I don’t do a lot of the fancy, secret things that a lot of other women do to make themselves feel good.
So, I decided to make some small changes, because we all know – small changes tend to beget bigger ones. But these changes were small things for me, that would make me feel good about myself. I’ve always liked my eyes – they’re green – and they’re one of the most important parts of a person’s face. They can narrow on you in anger, crinkle up when you laugh or smile, and make you trust (or distrust) their owner. Since I like my eyes, I started highlighting them – with a little bit of makeup. It makes me feel pretty and a little bit sexy, which is kind of powerful to this simple, naively raised girl.
The powerful feeling made me buy more secret things – pretty underthings <blushing>. As you may recall, I did warn you about the overshare in my first post. :p Anyways, suffice to say that I’ve usually been a simple, cotton girl. But treating myself to pretty things that no one but me get to see, add an extra smirk and smile to my face. Something else that makes a simple girl like me, feel good about myself and a secret, sexy way. And feeling good about yourself is the first part of raising self esteem, right?
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think that make-up and fancy things mean that you value yourself, nor are they the things that can make everyone feel good about themselves. Nor should a woman’s value be judged on her looks. I am, in fact, a feminist that works in a male dominated industry. But, I also think that anything that you can do that makes you feel good about yourself, powerful, and more confident should be embraced – as long as it’s not at the cost of anyone else, of course.
An adult friend asked once, in that sing-song voice that you use when asking a child-like question, “how do you know when you’re in love?”
My smart-assed, internal answer: “knowing you’re in love is a lot like knowing you have to take a shit – you’ll know it when you feel it. Like something inside you, you just have to get out.” :p
The goal of my blog is to write more often. It doesn’t really matter what (hence the lack of specificity in my blog’s title), just that I do it. I’m an aspiring author who has finally finished a rough draft of a novel (yay!) and is about halfway through a second. Next year, I hope to have finalized versions of my novels posted on kindle and I also hope to enter Writer’s Digest’s Self Published ebook contest with one of them. Even if I don’t win anything, even if no one ever reads (or likes) my stories, I’ll still be ecstatic to do this – for myself. 🙂
My love of writing –
I’ve always loved to write, tell stories, and share myself with other people. Sometimes I have an overwhelming sense to share or connect (although who of us that post on the internet doesn’t?) and sometimes it gets me into trouble (please don’t read this if you don’t like the occasional over-share or the liberal use of curse words, as I really do love the flavor that curse words bring to a story).
For as long as I can remember, most of my stories and projects remained unfinished and in limbo – either abandoned because I lost faith in my stories, grew to hate them, let life get in the way, or wrote myself into a corner. I hope with more discipline and dedication, I can pull stories through the limbo that is the writing process and bring them to conclusion.
Here we go…